May 31, 2018
Courtesy of Funny Times magazine, herewith some quotes about America’s favorite pastime:
“The season starts too early and finishes too late and there are too many games in between.” — Bill Veeck
“Do you know what I love most about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. And that’s just in the hot dogs.” — Conan O’Brien
“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.” — Dave Barry
“The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.” — Casey Stengel
“Why does everybody stand and sing ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame’ when they’re already there?” — Louie Anderson
“Baseball is accused of being too slow. Here’s something that would not only speed up the game but also provide a welcome opportunity for serious injuries. Like most good ideas, it’s uncomplicated: if the pitcher hits the batter with the ball, the batter is out. That’s it. A simple idea, but it would make quite a difference.” — George Carlin
“I have discovered, in 20 years of moving around a ball park, that knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats.” — Bill Veeck